It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. We’ve had
a really busy few weeks. School fun, playdates, Halloween, etc… It’s really
hard to believe that Thanksgiving and Christmas (gasp!) are right around the
corner. Leah and Zoey have already studied and circled EVERYTHING in the
various catalogs we’ve gotten. They have also argued over who gets what
(because apparently, the rule is, if you circle it first in the catalog then it
belongs to you!)
Life keeps moving along, I guess. It’s so hard to imagine
that this month will mark 9 months without Bill here. Sometimes when I think
about it, I can barely breathe. 9 months without him. 9 months… and a lifetime
more to go. I think it’s really that last part that catches me. The lifetime
left here without him.
Almost weekly I discover a new thing that I don’t know how
to do. Sometimes it’s the cars, sometimes it’s the technology, sometimes it’s
other stuff. This week it’s definitely been the house. I was proud of myself
last week because I had remembered to renew our service contract for our
heating/cooling system. I was even MORE proud of myself because I had also
dutifully scheduled a time for the technician to come and check everything out.
He came, made some recommendations, and left. And I had a moment where I
thought… “I’ve got this. I can do this.” Until the next day when all of our hot
water was gone, and I realized that the somehow the pilot light had gone out on
the water heater. I’m not going to lie, the pilot light freaks me out. I could
just see myself being one of those people that blows the house up trying to
re-light it. I was able to call my neighbor, Dave, and he came over to try to see what he could
do, but not before I completely broke down on his wonderful wife, Kellee.
As silly as it might sound, it’s in these moments that I
feel the most alone. That I feel the weight of being the only parent. It’s also
in these moments that the mix of emotions comes rushing over me. Anger and sadness
that Bill’s not here. Overwhelmed because I don’t know what to do. Frustration
with myself for not just sucking it up and dealing with it. Embarrassment because
I have to impose my problems on someone else’s family. (To be clear, NO ONE has
ever made me/us feel like a burden, but it’s something I struggle with every
time I need to ask for help.)
So Dave came over and tried to help me out, but
unfortunately he didn’t have any luck with the re-lighting the water heater. So
I put a call in to the service company and the technician came out the next
morning. It took him no time to fix the pilot light, so he decided to do a
quick check of the water heater just to make sure all was well. Once again, he
left with a few minor recommendations but nothing really to worry about.
Or so I thought.
Fast forward to Wednesday when Kaleigh called up to me from
the basement because she thought the dog had gone to the bathroom near the
stairs (an unfortunate, but regular occurrence in this house). I went down to
clean it up and realized that the puddle at the foot of the stairs was not from
the dog. It was from water spraying out of the water heater. The long and short
of the story is that once again I had to call Dave (and cry on Kellee), who
immediately came over to help me shut off the valve. (It was stuck so I couldn’t
do it by myself.) I got in touch with
the emergency plumber, and Kellee came over and stayed til midnight so I wouldn’t
be here with him in the house alone.
So as I type this, the basement is completely filled with
boxes and bins that I had to move out of the areas that were covered with
water. There are industrial sized fans blowing under the carpet and in the
storage area hopefully drying everything out so that I don’t have to worry about
mold. Never a dull moment, huh?
For those of you who have continued to pray for us, please
pray that over time, I will get used to this single parent role. If Bill were
here he’d tell you being alone was my worst fear. And while, I’m not actually
alone- we continue to have an army of amazing friends, and family who support
us- I am alone in that I don’t have my partner. My best friend. And I am trying
my best to do everything and learn all the things I don’t know. But it’s taking time. And it takes energy.
Both of which I’m pretty low on these days.
I’d also love it if you’d pray for the condition of the
basement. Since the flood there’s been a smell that isn’t resolving. I’ve had
the drywall checked out and it’s fine, but the carpet and the padding concern
me. The company has said they will make their mistake right, but I am just not
sure I have it in me if I have to fight for new carpet.
On a positive note, the plumber who came out that night was
awesome. He even prayed for me and the girls before he left. It was quite
something.
And lest this entry be too much of “Dana Downer,” I leave
you with pics of our fun-filled Halloween. The girls and I had a great night
filled with fun, friends, and CANDY. Special thanks to Meredith and Joe and the
boys for coming up from Richmond to make the day extra special.
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| Kaleigh with Joe the Storm Trooper. |
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| The kids (and Joe) :) |
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| Leia, Dana, and the photo bombing Storm Trooper |
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| Dorothy, Black Cat, and Girl Minion |
