I can’t believe it’s been a year since I’ve update the blog. There are so many things I've meant to write about, but time has just gotten the better of me. It’s even harder to believe that Bill’s been gone for just over 3 years now. He
is still so present in our everyday lives, that when I stop and think about it…
THREE years. It’s just really hard to believe.
This year has been filled with the usual up and downs. It
would be impossible to truly talk about everything, but I’ll try to share a few
highlights for those of you who aren’t on Facebook.
This year marked the start of middle school for Kaleigh.
(What?!) I have no idea how that happened. She loves her school and has made a
ton of new friends. I keep saying she’s a mini-Bill in every possible way. She
doing well academically with very minimal effort (much to her mother’s dismay.)
We are now dealing with all the typical tween things and all the fun that comes
along with that. When things get intense, I often look around for Bill- knowing
that he would be laughing at me and all the attitude I have to dodge daily. I’m
sure I’ve mentioned before, but when Bill found out that K was going to be a
girl he didn’t speak the rest of the day because the idea of having a daughter
terrified him. When I finally asked him if he was ok, the first words uttered
were, “Well, the good news is, when she’s a teenager, she’ll hate you, but I’ll
get to be the hero.” (Thanks, babe.) And let me tell you… Daddy is most
definitely still the hero around here. While Mom is Public Enemy #1. Having
said that, he would be so incredibly proud of the young lady she is becoming-
kind, well-read, witty, and full of love.
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| Beautiful K before her Choral Concert |
This year has been a bit of a roller coaster for sweet Leah.
We have had a lot of challenges that have emerged due to where she is in her
grief and how it impacts her every day, but with the help of her AMAZING teacher,
school staff, and other people who love her she is really flourishing. She
continues to dance and LOVES every minute of it. She was in the Nutcracker
again this year, and she is super excited about her upcoming recital because
she’s gets to perform to some of the music from her newest favorite movie- The
Greatest Showman.
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| All dressed up for the Spanish Dance in the Nutcracker |
The littlest pea started first grade this year, which is SO hard to believe. She is doing great academically and has made lots of friends. She continues to be a bundle of smiles, giggles, and energy. And the Lord continues to use her to remind me to look for joy in all the small things. She still loves to talk about Daddy and she loves when I share stories or FB memories with comments that he’s made about her. I will say that developmentally we have hit a stage where she is really internalizing that a piece of her family is missing. She notices when other kids her age have their dads around and she gets sad a lot because she feels that emptiness. Because of this sadness, we are dealing with some challenges that we hadn’t dealt with before, but I am praying that we can navigate them in a healthy way. (If you think about it, please pray for her sweet heart. And please pray that her counselor and I can ease some of her sadness and give her some strategies to help her when she feels upset.)
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| ZoZo and her butterfly friend |
Things with me are ok. If I’m being honest, “only parenting”
is waring me down. Each sweet pea is so different in their needs that I am completely
wiped out by the end of most days. I am so thankful for my friends who continue
to send encouraging notes or come over to give me breaks. I know I am doing the
best I can most days, but I just worry that my best isn’t enough. I can’t make
up for Bill not being here. They are missing the most important man in their
lives, and because only half the “team” is here, I often wonder if I am making
the right choices for them. Shouldering all of it all the time can be so overwhelming,
but again, I am thankful for the friends and family I call my “Bill surrogates”-
people who try to channel him for me so I can get as close to his perspective
as possible. Especially in moments where the girls just REALLY need their dad.
One of the peas got glasses this year and was so excited about them, until the insecurities
set in about not looking good or worrying that people would make fun of her.
All I could think was “she needs Bill. She needs him to tell her she is beautiful.
She needs his strong arms around her to give her security and confidence.” (Of
course, I was doing all of those things for her too, but my voice doesn’t
always carry as much weight these days.) I am so thankful for two of Bill’s guy
friends who stepped in and told her all the things Daddy would have told her
and gave her those hugs. Bittersweet and
beautiful all at the same time.
Anyway, I could go on and on, but this post is about Bill’s
birthday. Today he would have been 43. So, to celebrate this great day, we are
continuing our tradition of doing a food drive in his honor to benefit the
Reston Bible Church Food Pantry where he used to volunteer. You all have been
so generous in the past, and I truly can’t thank you enough. Not only are you
helping us honor their amazing Daddy, but you are helping the girls understand
how important it is to give back. They look forward to his birthday every year
because they get excited when they see all of the donations that come in to
help other people in Bill’s name. The list has changed a little bit this year,
and because it is smaller, I am also adding some additional snack items that our
church provides to students at one of the local elementary schools. I can’t imagine a better way to honor Bill
than to help feed kids who are in need.
Thank you so much for all of your continued support. I know
I say this all the time, but you have helped sustain us over the past 4+ years
with your prayers, encouragement, and love. We are so thankful for each and
every one of you.
We will collecting items from now until May 10th.
As always, I’d love it if you would send the items to our home so the girls can
take part in delivering them, or you can donate them directly to the church.
(See below for the lists and a video of the girls helping with the drive last
year.) Thank you!
Food Pantry Items:
Dry
black beans
1 or 3 lbs bags of white rice
64 oz canola oil
Canned Corns
Tuna
Masa Corn Flour
1 or 3 lbs bags of white rice
64 oz canola oil
Canned Corns
Tuna
Masa Corn Flour
Go Go Squeeze Apple Sauce
Goldfish
Granola Bars (No nuts or Peanut
Butter)
Fruit Snacks
Pretzels
Fruit Snacks
Pretzels
Animal Crackers
Cheeze-Its
Veggie Straws
Pirate Booty
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