Anniversary Trip to Arizona

How do you summarize six days on an adventure with one of your oldest friends to “celebrate” what  would have been our anniversary? To say the trip was bittersweet is an understatement. To say that it is an experience I will cherish is also an understatement.  We had so many beautiful moments together, Carmen and I. A lot of them planned, but so many of them spontaneous.  Of course, there was the amazing hot air balloon ride in Sedona. I thought I was going to be terrified, but there was something so calming and beautiful about floating in the air above the breathtaking red rocks. Pictures just don’t do it justice. We were with other people in the basket, but there were still moments of quiet and peace-something that I’ve been lacking for a long time.

Balloon Ride in Sedona. At our max we were 3,000 feet up. Simply amazing!

Sunrise over Sedona

Then there was the hike to the Kachina Woman rock formation in Boyton Canyon- where there is said to be an energy vortex. As we were getting ourselves ready to hike up, a man named Robert approached us with rocks he had carved into hearts. He gave one to each of us and said he wanted to spread the love of “Mother Earth” to everyone. I’d been told that there were lots of “hippies” in Sedona, and that you just never knew what you were going to see. Nonetheless, given the fact that I was there for me and for Bill, the gesture was very meaningful. (Now, Bill would have been rolling his eyes, but I also think he would have recognized the kindness behind Robert’s gift too.)

Robert's Hearts. 

Carmen asked him if he had just finished his hike, and he said he was actually just starting and that he was going to play his instrument - some kind of Native American flute- when he got to the top. As we started hiking, we heard him playing. Every so often he would stop and introduce another song, “this one is for love”, “this one is for letting go,” etc… It was like he provided the perfect soundtrack as we made our way to the top. And again, I could just HEAR Bill’s voice and all of the things he would have said about it, but at the same time, the combination of the landscape, the flute, and Bill’s “voice” made the experience almost perfect. Once we got to the top we sat and listened for a long time. Another one of those much needed peaceful moments for me.

Next, we headed to the Grand Canyon. What more can I say, other than simply unbelievable? The vastness and the beauty is nothing short of amazing. Again, the pictures just don’t do it justice. One of the days Carmen and I hiked in a little ways, and although I recognize just how small we humans really are, being “inside” for even just a little distance made it even more real. Carmen was careful to give me some time on the 14^th to have some time to myself. I got up early so I could watch the sunrise over the Canyon. Again, one of those quiet moments where I watched this beautiful landscape in front of me and talked to Bill in my heart. I prayed a little, and really tried to take in the moment.  It was so bittersweet. Surrounded by all of these beautiful things, but still empty in so many ways because I couldn’t share it with my person- with Bill.

View outside our cabin

Later that day we had a thunderstorm and then not long after, a double rainbow appeared over the Canyon right outside our cabin window. I was trying not to make too big of a deal about it, but in so many ways, a double rainbow over the Grand Canyon was this magical, beautiful anniversary gift- one that I will never forget.

Happy Anniversary

When I left on the trip so many people had prayed and had hoped that I would find healing and rest. I’m not sure about the healing part, but the trip definitely gave me some moments where I could breathe. Where I didn’t have to run at such a fast pace. It gave my brain some time to start to process the last two years. Until this trip I hadn’t really dreamed about Bill. I had been hoping to for a long time. Just to be able to see him and to have him talk to me again- even if it wasn’t real. To for a moment feel close to him again. The dreams I had on this trip weren’t like that, but maybe one day they will be.

When I got home, someone had left beautiful flowers on the doorstep with a note that said “Happy Anniversary. Heaven has flowers too.” There was no name, but again, it was such a lovely gift to come home to. (So to whomever put them there, thank you.)

And now that I am home, having had a taste of rest, I am going to try really hard to try to find a little bit of breathing room in our hectic schedule. I realize how important it is for me and for our girls. For those of you who have been praying for us, if you could pray for that too. Thanks, friends.