Turning 40

I need to start off by saying thank you to the friends and family who reached out about the flood and carpet situation. I’m happy to report that it has all worked out, and we are no worse for the wear. I’m pretty sure I was near the end of my rope when I wrote that last entry, so thanks for encouraging me during a low point.

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving! The girls and I had a fantastic day filled with great family and food. Those of you on Facebook probably saw all of the festivities from last week. For those of you who don’t know…not only was it Thanksgiving, but it was also my 40^th birthday. Being a Thanksgiving baby has always posed some challenges when trying to plan a celebration. Growing up I hated it because we were never in school, so I didn’t get to see my friends.  (Summer birthday babies can probably relate.) And then into adulthood poor Bill had to deal with the challenge of what/when to do something. My 30^th birthday is a prime example. I was pregnant with Kaleigh (and maybe a tad moody). He tried to come up with some special to do for me, but for whatever reason (did I mention I was 8 months pregnant?) it didn’t go so well. The next year, being the sweet man that he was, he tried to plan a surprise get together, but I figured it out because he started to really clean the house. Like really CLEAN the house. He tried to be subtle about it, but anyone who knew Bill Plowden knew that if he was REALLY cleaning, there had to be a reason. J

Early in our marriage when were dreaming about the future, we decided that for our 40^th birthdays we would try to go to Hawaii without kids to celebrate. So when his birthday rolled around in April it was really hard. Not because we weren’t going to Hawaii, but because once again it was a reminder of our hopes and dreams that wouldn’t come true. Even though he wasn’t here, we still celebrated him.  I invited a bunch of his friends over, and his mom and I served his favorite meal. The family wrote notes to him on balloons and “sent them to Heaven” so Daddy would know we were celebrating his birthday.

Fast forward 6 months to my birthday. Leading up to it, several friends asked me what I wanted to do, and I never really answered them. It’s not like I was purposefully dodging the question; it’s just that celebrating my birthday without Bill seemed so empty. What was the point? My person wasn’t there to celebrate with me. I kept thinking about what Bill would want me to do, and I knew he wouldn’t want me to sit home and do nothing. He was always so emphatic that I needed to continue to live life. He would often get frustrated with me when I would tell him the family outings I’d take the girls on (apple picking, beach, etc…) were fun, but felt empty without him. I know that frustration was out of love. He wanted our lives to be full- even if he wasn’t with us.  We talked a lot about it over the two years he was sick. Of course, he understood how deeply we missed him, but it was also really important to him that the girls and I continue to celebrate and engage in life. With these thoughts in mind, and with some long tear-filled talks with a friend, I decided to celebrate my “big 4-0.” And I am so glad that I did.

First, one of my dear friends took the girls and I out to PF Chang’s for dinner on Friday night. We all got dressed up in pretty dresses to make the evening special. The girls had never been to such a “fancy” restaurant. Kaleigh had no idea what to do with the cloth napkin. It was really cute. They had picked out a sweet pea pod necklace as a gift that is absolutely perfect! J

Then the next night, several of my friends and family had put together a ladies’ happy hour at a nearby wine bar. We got all dressed up (the girls picked my dress out for me. They thought Daddy would like it because it had “Princess Leia sleeves.”) and had a great time.  I was surrounded lots of my favorite people, and it turned out to be a really special evening. There were moments that were really hard, but I was able to pull myself together and have fun. I think he would have been really proud of me. (And he would be SO thankful to everyone who made the night so amazing.) (Also, special thanks to our friend Dave who kept his three kids and our three kids for a sleepover so I could have the whole night to myself and so that his beautiful wife could come to the party. Not many men would do that (including one Bill Plowden), so thank you thank you thank you.)

The girls and I traveled to Richmond to see my family for Thanksgiving. It was a GREAT day. Because my birthday always falls around Thanksgiving, at the family dinner we usually have a birthday cake for me. I had told my mom that since this year was my 40^th, I wanted her to recreate my favorite Candyland cake from when I was a kid. (My mom made the most amazing cakes for us growing up. It was one of my favorite things about birthdays. I think that’s why I like making cakes for my girls so much.) During dinner I knew I wasn’t allowed in the basement, but I thought it was just so I wouldn’t see the cake until it was time. Boy was I wrong!

Towards the end of the day my aunt told me the kids were doing a parade for my birthday and that I had to follow them. They were all decked out in matching candy printed dresses. Aunt Cathy had made Candyland-type game pieces and had put them all down her driveway. I followed the parade on the game pieces into her basement where she had created this entire “Dana’s Candyland” themed room complete with almost every type of candy you could imagine. It was amazing. (And of course I cried.)I know it sounds so silly. But it meant so much to me that my family put such efforts into my birthday.  The kids had a blast and were hopped up on crazy amounts of sugar- and that was ok with me. Because at the end of the day, they got to see what family does for each other.  They do for one another. The littles probably just saw a cool birthday party, but I know Kaleigh saw more than that. She saw her mom who has been hurting so much be loved and cared for by her family in a really special way. And that is a lesson that can only be learned by example. So, family, thank you for showing my girls what it means to be there for one another. To think of others. To put time and effort into making someone else’s day special. Thank you.

And just when you think the festivities were over… there was one more! A dinner at a Japanese Steakhouse. This seems to have become a tradition while everyone is still in down during Thanksgiving. Bill and I have never been able to go because of sick babies or maybe because the idea of taking three kids out in public was too painful think about. Either way, I had told Aunt Cathy that I’d love to have the family go this year again, so the girls and I could join. Aside from Zoey being super whiney, it was a fun night. Kaleigh LOVED it. Leah was afraid of the fire and the knives, but she clapped when the chef was doing his tricks, so I think she had fun too. All in all it was a great night.

I really wanted to say a sincere thank you to everyone who helped to make my birthday special. From the texts, FB messages, cards, gifts, etc… you helped turn a hard day into something I will look back on with great memories. Thank you.