Thank You, Men.

First, I want to thank you for your thoughts and prayers about Bailey. The first few days were really hard, but the girls are doing ok (and asking every day when we can get a new dog.) J

I want to say a sincere thank you to our village who once again rallied around us and helped me clear the sidewalks and driveway during the blizzard. I remember when Bill was first in Boston and we had a snowstorm, I was outside shoveling alone one night (plenty of people had also helped then too, but at that particular time I was alone). Anyway, as I was shoveling, I had this moment where the weight of everything we were going through just kind of hit me. It was beyond overwhelming. My mind was racing with fears and anger and hopelessness. And then a neighbor happened to come outside to help me. I didn’t know this neighbor very well, but as he started shoveling he noticed how upset I was and he stopped me and asked me if he could pray with me. Which surprised me a little, but of course I said yes.  So he prayed for us as I sobbed in the cold on his shoulder.I tell this story because as I was preparing for the blizzard and as I was shoveling this time, I kept thinking about that night. And about how overwhelmed I had been, and how I feel like God really sent him out there in that moment to remind me that I wasn’t as alone as I was feeling. And then I thought about this year with this enormous storm that was coming, and how I didn’t feel overwhelmed at all. Because I knew that God had put people in my life that weren’t going to let me (us) weather the storm alone.

So with that idea in mind, I finally am posting something I wrote back In September about the men in our lives. I’ve debated a lot about how to properly articulate my heart when it comes to all the amazing people we are surrounded by… so here goes.

After Kaleigh was born,  Bill and I read books, took a parenting class, etc…  We talked a lot about all the things we wanted to instill in her (and any other children we had). One of the things we read or learned about was this idea of really teaching your children about healthy relationships. Teaching them from an early age what qualities are important to look for in a spouse (should they ever want to get married).  Obviously, at the time, I thought that our kids would grow up with this amazing example of a good husband every day.  But even with that in mind, Bill and I still wanted to be intentional about talking to our kids about qualities of a good husband. When Kaleigh was little, it came up naturally because she used to ask all the time why I married Daddy. How did Daddy ask you to be his wife?  Once she had asked enough times, she could basically recite the answers back to us.  What was the most important thing about Daddy? That he loved the Lord. What else? He made Mama laugh. He was Mama’s best friend. He respected Mama. He was smart, kind, hardworking, thoughtful, etc… 

Over the last year, I have spent a lot of time wondering how in the world I am supposed to teach our precious girls about healthy relationships.  Of course we still talk about  my relationship with Bill when it comes up. Leah and Zoey like to ask about our wedding and how Daddy proposed. And so I do continue to do my best to tell them all the reasons I wanted to marry Bill, but the truth of the matter is that three years ago, our girls got to experience what a loving, devoted, committed marriage looked like. They saw Mama and Daddy laugh together. Dance in the kitchen together. Hold hands.  Steal a smooch (followed by and “Ewe! Gross!” from Kaleigh). They saw him run to Starbucks to surprise me on a random day with coffee. They saw him take care of me when I was sick or hold me up when I was crying. But now, they are missing out on seeing how two people who love each other serve and take care of one another. Like so many other things, I feel like they are getting robbed of what we wanted for them.

Bill always made a point to say “Girls, look at how beautiful Mama looks today.”  I think about it a lot. Probably more than I should.  About how I’ll never have that again. Someone telling me I’m beautiful in the way that only your husband can.  But more than that, I think about how my girls will never hear it again. Sure, friends might tell me I look nice or whatever, but it’s not the same as hearing Daddy say that Mama looks beautiful. And he would say it if I was dressed up or if I was in a baggy sweatshirt with no makeup. He said it all the time. And he meant it. And the girls saw that a good husband loves his wife no matter what. That someone who really loves you loves for who you are and not for what you look like. (Of course, this is a lesson that I teach them over and over, but again, it pales in comparison to seeing it every day.)

Anyway, so what does this have to do with the snowstorm and shoveling? Well, the more I have prayed about it and thought about it, I realize that just like that day when I was scared and overwhelmed and feeling alone and God sent that neighbor out to comfort me, He has continually done the same thing for our girls. When I think about the example Bill and I wanted for our girls, all I have to do is look around us to the people in our lives. To the people who can still give the girls the example of family that Bill and I wanted to give them. We are blessed to be surrounded by many families that remind the girls of the life we used to have. Husbands and wives who love, respect, and serve each other. Mothers and fathers who set firm boundaries, but are also filled with faith and love. Families who absorb my children into their own, and let them know that they are loved and cared for. 

We have men (family and friends) in our lives who have stepped in for the girls in a million different ways. These amazing, godly men who make it a point to be present for our girls when they can. Family who give them extra attention when they see them. Who show a genuine interest in them. Friends who have families of their own who still take the time to give our girls extra attention.  Who invite the girls to the Daddy/ Daughter Dance, who take a few minutes after church each week to goof off with them.   Who offer to take them out on dates for lunch or laser tag. We have a good friend who picks them up every Sunday and takes them to AWANA. Another amazing friend who came up all the way from Texas to be their “Dad for the Day” at school. The friend who when the weather was nice would race Zoey every morning (and let her win) on the way home from dropping the girls off at school and who loves on the other two just as much. The friend who drove K to school all year last year even when his own daughter was sick just to be a male figure in her life. A friend who comes over with his family and intentionally makes sure each girl gets his undivided attention for a few minutes.  I could go on and on.

Some of these men are honoring promises they made to Bill before he passed away, and others are just loving on our girls because they know they need a father-figure’s love. Either way, thank you. (You know who you are.) Thank you. Thank you for loving our girls. Thank you for loving your wives in front of my girls. For being a model of what a good husband looks like. Thank you for stepping in for me in Bill’s absence with shoveling, computer stuff, plumbing,  etc… and showing the girls that we are still loved.

Thank you for letting them know they are important. What you may believe to be small gestures are making a huge impact on the girls. So again, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

For those of you still praying for us, I’d ask that you continue to do so over the next month. Not only are we in the Daddy/Daughter/ Valentine’s Day season, but we are almost at the year anniversary of losing Bill. Next Saturday is the church dance, and Bill’s dad is coming up all the way from SC to take the girls. (Thanks Granddaddy! You are the best!) Please pray that it goes well, and that the girls can have fun even though I’m sure they will be missing Bill.